Saturday, October 18, 2008

Filling my pumpkin

The kids had fall break this week...I know, not everyone is accustomed to that, but we have a week here. We went swimming at the YMCA twice, to the pumpkin patch and played around the neighborhood. A nice calm relaxing week for all of us. The kids and I went to our appointment with the counselor this week and she gave us a great analogy that I wanted to share because I think everyone needs to recognize this every once in a while...

She held out a pumpkin full of candy and told the kids that the pumpkin represented "you". The candy inside represented their feelings. Then she asked what would happen if she took the candy out and threw it at each of them, what would they do? They responded that they would turn away, hide, run away...she proceeded to tell them that this is what happens when you get angry or frustrated with someone and don't talk to them in a calm manner. You are throwing your anger and frustration at others and all they do is turn away or tune out.

Then she asked them how would they feel if she reached in, grabbed a handful and offered it to someone? They told her it would make the other people happy because they are sharing...right! She asked how it would make them feel...happy...right! So when you share your feelings in a nice way, it makes them happy and it makes you happy. She told them that the people that you love in your life will continuously refill your pumpkin with candy...feelings and it is your job to fill theirs...when you do, everyone is happier.

Finally, she asked them what would happen if she held the pumpkin close and didn't share any of the candy? They responded it would become rotten. She then explained that this is what happens when you hold your feelings inside and don't share them...they rot and make you sick and unhappy. You are not offering it to others and are not getting yours filled in return...everyone is unhappy.

I thought that was a really great analogy and all of them, including Holly, understood it. So don't hold onto your candy...give it away nicely and you will get some back in return!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Amazing Author

Many years ago, one of my dearest friends gave me a book for my birthday. I read it start to finish without ever putting it down and loved every word of it. It was called "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks. I thought he was a new favorite author of mine, but amazingly, since then I have not read another. Message in a Bottle was released on film, The Notebook was made into a movie, and now Nights in Rodanthe has been released. I have never seen any of the movies because I didn't want to ruin the book...I like to read it before seeing the movie...and since I've not read any of the books... Well, I happen to have Nights in Rodanthe here at the house...given by another friend. So, I read it last weekend. Saturday night and Sunday night after the kids went to bed. I have to say...don't watch the the book! Just based on the trailer and movie reviews, they have changed so much of the story line in the movie that it is not the same story, in my opinion. But, there is a passage that I am going to write a little here that just makes me think that Nicholas Sparks crawled into my brain and wrote exactly how I feel about this whole situation...

(First, in the movie, apparently she is not yet divorced, but in the book she has been divorced about 3 years before this weekend happened...a big difference in my opinion).

"Two days ago, she couldn't have imagined this sort of thing happening to her. Nor could she have imagined that she'd be feeling this way about anyone, let alone someone she'd just met. Her life didn't allow for such things, not lately, anyway. It was easy to blame the kids or tell herself that her responsibilities didn't leave enough time for something like this, but that wasn't completely true. It also had to do with who she'd become in the aftermath of her divorce.

Yes, she felt betrayed and angry at Jack (her ex-husband); everyone could understand those things. But being left for someone else carried other implications, and as much as she tried not to dwell on them, there were times when she couldn't help it. Jack had rejected her, he'd rejected the life they had lived together; it was a devastating blow to her as a wife and mother, but also as a woman. Even if, as he'd claimed, he hadn't planned on falling in love with Linda and that it had just happened, it wasn't as if he simply rode the wave of emotions without making conscious decisions along the way. He had to have thought about what he was doing, he had to have considered the possibilities when he started spending time with Linda. And no matter how much he tried to soft-pedal what had happened, it was as if he'd told Adrienne (the main character)not only that Linda was better in every way, but that Adrienne wasn't even worth the time and effort it would take to fix whatever it was he thought was wrong with their relationship.

How was she supposed to react to that sort of total rejection? It was easy for others to say that it had nothing to do with her, that Jack was going through a midlife crisis, but it still had an effect on the person she thought she was."

While it doesn't portray the same exact type of scenario, the feelings and thoughts are so vivid and similar to mine that I couldn't describe it better myself.

Monday, October 6, 2008

On a lighter note

I missed this on Sat, saw the video clip and laughed out loud. Whoever you are voting for, they did a great job! Enjoy

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Good Grief

I wouldn't say that I'm a subject matter expert on this subject, but I have a lot of experience from my nursing days. As a student nurse in my senior year of college, I had one day a week for classes (Monday) and the rest of the week was devoted to my mentor on whatever floor I was working. The first semester I worked on something called a palliative care floor. Basically, a floor where people were transferred to keep them comfortable while they died. I had many wonderful experiences on this floor, but it always affected me deeply when I sat with someone while they died, especially if I was the only other person in the room. I had one patient in particular that I had become very fond of. She was a young mother (actually about my age now) that had 3 small daughters. She had cancer and had received radiation to her brain and as a result was now blind. She asked the nurses one day to allow me to stay with her in the room the whole day because she had something very important she wanted to do and she couldn't ask her husband to do it. So I came in that day and proceeded to write for her. She wrote letters to each of her daughters to be given to them on the day they turned 16, graduated from high school, got married and had their first baby. It was one of the most difficult days of my life. I went home after hours of quietly crying, completely emotionally exhausted. When I got to my room, David had left a dozen yellow roses by my door with a note telling me how much he loved me and that he knew I had had a hard day. I knew that he was the man for me. I had known it before, but that day, I knew he would take care of me and I loved him so much more. That young mother died a week later.

My Mom was talking to me about something the other day and I have thought about it a lot since then. In the "olden" days, people were laid out in the family room/living room of a house after they died. The family was forced to see death, feel it and begin to grieve. It was inevitable, you had to begin your grief process because it was physically present in your life. People don't experience this in our country anymore. We have become weak because of that. There are people that "don't want to remember their loved ones in that way (the hospital)" so they don't come to visit them. Then when that loved one dies, they feel sad, but a lot of times, they don't immediately feel the loss/grief because they haven't been present for a lot of the dying process. They put off their grief and eventually it catches up to them and rears it ugly head in other forms...addictions, broken down relationships, alone-ness. They search for something to "fulfill" them because they are not fulfilled by their present life and try to find something to blame, or someone. Grief is not something you can put must deal with it. You must look it in the eyes and take it head on, or it will take control of you in other ways. The only thing you can do when you are feeling it is to process it in the way that only you can, and look to God when you get to the bottom. You have no where else to look, but up. So you do and you will eventually find that fulfillment you were so desperately searching for, but if you never do, you end up living with regrets, living a life of distance...from others and God. You lose a part of you.

So I am looking up. I am looking to God to take care of me, for my fulfillment. I know it is the only way for me to get through this, and I hope others will learn from my example.

On a separate note, please keep my Mother-in-law, Charlotte, in your prayers. She is undergoing chemo and radiation treatments and is having a hard time with them. Thank you so much for your love and prayers.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


I know many of you are waiting to hear anything...sorry I have nothing to offer. Monday happened and nothing was resolved. David is back where he was when all this started (for a short time), so nothing will change for a couple of weeks. Thank you all for your prayers and concern, please keep doing what you are to help...we all still need the prayers. The kids and I are just going to stay a little low key while he is away. Hopefully I'll actually update you with pictures next post...thank you again for your will never know the comfort I have knowing that so many are praying for us, I am so grateful. Have a peaceful week...


Related Posts with Thumbnails