Thursday, September 4, 2008
Two week notice
Today it is two weeks until mediation. Two weeks until we are possibly no longer husband and wife. This is my "two week notice". Hard to believe. All these years, all this time and we have 2 weeks left. We had a bad Labor Day...awful things were said (mostly by him) and in front of the kids. Bad examples were set and everyone cried. I had one chaplain e-mail me to tell me he was praying for us and said that the Bible says to love another as yourself. If he is treating us all this way, how, then must he feel about himself? If he is being so hateful toward us, is he loathing himself? I pray every day for him...sometimes, many times... that he will find peace. He seems tormented and alone. I think that is why he waivers so often. He regrets things he has said and done and takes one small step to improve the situation, without offering too much hope of resolution. I want to hate him, and at moments I do, but I can't stop loving him. He is etched into my soul...we have had a life together, we have 4 kids together, we have been through so much and now this. I have a hard time believing that this is God's plan because I don't think God would want us to do this. I have a hard time with my faith because I know this is wrong, yet I can't really stop it. I can't keep exposing my kids and myself to the emotional stress that he is creating, but I still can't accept that this is what should happen. So two weeks is what I have left. Please God let them be filled with more peace than hate, more kind words than hurtful, more good times than bad and more love. If he can't change now, at least make him be nice.
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1 comment:
Lori, I'm not sure you remember me; it has been about three years. I want you to remember your Father in Heaven has given each of us FREE agency in this life.. All part of the war in heaven thing. He won't make us do the right thing; he has given us the right tools (Bible/church) and then lets us make our choices.. Some of us need to work harder than others, and for some it comes very easy or so it seems. But you are on the right path, so hold your kid’s hands tight and keep as positive an attude as you can muster.. Your Heavenly Father will always be there for you, so listen close for the still small voice. And always remember it's HIS answer not ours--and that can be hard sometimes.. But you can do it with FRIENDS and FAMILY--I know you are Loved by many.. On your knees is a good place to be—you’ll get answers…..
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