Just sad...

We had a quiet weekend, dealing with another virus. School must be in session, seems we attract every bug possible. Oh course, with stress levels as they are, it only makes sense that we catch everything...one by one, or two by two at the case may be. He was gone all day each day which made things much more relaxing. The kids keep asking me why this is happening, Ashley says often, "I feel like this is a dream and I hope I wake up from it." Holly says, "Daddy doesn't love you but he loves me." Amazing how a 3 year old can innocently say something that just cuts to the core. We had another family counseling session on Saturday. The kids didn't want to go because they say it's boring and they don't always want to answer the questions. I'm sure it's hard. It's hard for me just to keep from crying the whole time sometimes. Every time I think about next Thursday, I'm just overwhelmed with sadness and tears well up. I can't help myself. I picked up Holly from school today and she asked me if I was happy. I told her I was happy to be with her...and she said, "but are you happy?" I didn't know what she was trying to say. I simply answered I'm happy to be with her. I'm sad to think that when my kids are sick I won't be able to stay home with them and help them feel better. I won't be able to be at all their events because work will get in the way, David won't be able to see most of their lives except for what they are like when on "vacation" with him. He won't know their norm...and I will know it less and less. I still hate this. I'm anxious to see what happens next week, but I totally dread what will come of it. I dread the uncertainty of it all and the finality it suggests.